Opinion : Taxation Time: The Original April Fool’s Joke

It's that time of the year. Time to gather all the receipts, pull the bank statements and start a tally so that Uncle Sam won't come knocking on my door for not paying my taxes. Governments have been taxing people since the dawn of civilization. If they could have figured out how to tax fire, air, or human misery, they would have. (Actually, they kinda did. Stay tuned.) Over the centuries, creative tax collectors have come up with some truly ridiculous ways to squeeze money out of people. Here are some of the weirdest things that have been taxed throughout history-prepare to be outraged, entertained, or possibly both.

The Price of sunshine was enlightening. Britain and parts of the U.S. taxed houses based on the number of windows they had. The reasoning? More windows meant a fancier house, which meant-cha-ching! This led to some homeowners bricking up their windows to avoid the tax, which is why you'll sometimes see old buildings with mysteriously sealed-off windows. Nothing like a government policy to accidentally invent suffocatingly dark interiors.

Let's paint the town red, it's cheaper! In 1712, Britain thought, "Why not tax wallpaper?" But people were too smart for that-many just bought plain wallpaper and hired artists to paint designs on it, avoiding the tax. It's unclear whether this workaround made interior decorating more or less expensive, but it definitely made British tax collectors cry.

Here's a "squirrelly" tax! In 1807, Ohio had such a massive squirrel problem that the government forced taxpayers to contribute squirrel scalps as part of their taxes. That's right-your tax bill wasn't complete until you handed over a pile of tiny, fluffy rodent pelts. It was basically a DIY pest control program disguised as taxation.

Now this one wasn't a "weird" tax idea to me, in light of the crazy ideas that have been out there. It's just signs of the times...Cow Farts Tax (Seriously) - Several countries have imposed a tax on livestock due to their, um, methane emissions. Cows, it turns out, are climate-change supervillains. Farmers in places like New Zealand have had to pay extra because of their gassy herds.

Hats off to more taxes. From 1784 to 1811, Britain decided it was time to make men pay for their sense of style. A tax was levied on men's hats, with the logic that rich people had more fancy hats, so they should pay more. Hat shops had to buy a license, and each hat had a tax stamp glued inside-because nothing says high fashion like government-mandated adhesives.

Well, this is an odd one out...Bachelor Tax - In multiple countries, including the U.S. (yep, really), there have been taxes on unmarried men. The idea? If you're not contributing to society by making babies, you better contribute to government coffers.

Of course there is a "Candy Taxes" - Many U.S. states have bizarre laws taxing candy differently than other food items. Some even classify certain candies as "food" and others as "luxuries," based purely on whether or not they contain flour. So yes, your Twix bar might be tax-free, but your Snickers? That's getting taxed.

Beards were expensive in Russia! Peter the Great wanted his country to look more European, so in 1698, he slapped a tax on beards. If you insisted on keeping your facial fuzz, you had to carry around a special token proving you'd paid for the privilege. If not? The police had the authority to forcibly shave you on the spot. Yes, the government had a squad of mandatory barbers on standby.

One way to save the blueberry is to create a "Blueberry Tax" (Maine, You Wild Thing) - Maine has a specific tax on blueberries. Just blueberries. We assume it's because the state needed a creative way to fund its government, but honestly, what did blueberries ever do to deserve this?

Ready the Harbor! Tea? Taxed. Salt? Taxed. And people were mad about it. The Boston Tea Party was literally a protest over unfair tea taxation, and Mahatma Gandhi led an entire movement against British salt taxes in India. When taxes get so bad that people are willing to march for 24 days or throw crates into a harbor, maybe it's time to rethink your policies.

Bricks Tax (Building Dreams, One Tax at a Time) - England once taxed bricks, which led to people making bigger bricks so they'd need fewer of them to build houses. The government eventually caught on and taxed those, too. There's no outsmarting the taxman.

Dicey Taxation: Gambling and Games - The British Stamp Act of 1765 taxed all sorts of things, including dice and playing cards. This may explain why the phrase "the house always wins" exists-because even when you won at cards, the taxman still came to collect. Alabama was still taxing decks of cards as recently as 2015. Imagine the frustration of poker players forced to fork over an extra dime for their hobby.

If history has taught us anything, it's that governments love a good tax, no matter how ridiculous. From beards to bricks to literal squirrel scalps, anything and everything has been fair game for taxation. So next time you grumble about sales tax, just be grateful you don't have to hand over a rodent pelt with your payment.