Opinion : The words we don't say out loud

I attended the meeting this week of a new organization in Benton County called the Benton County Suicide Prevention Coalition (BCSPC). The group is still in the forming stages. They are setting up the legalese, the tax forms, the logos, the messaging, in other words, all the details.

I went to the meeting mostly because the topic hits home with me.

For a long time, I held the belief that there are some things that we shouldn't openly discuss. I always felt like talking about them planted the seed for later action. This is one of those topics.

I'm still somewhat conflicted on that thinking, and yet I see it happening too much in our community. I suspect that things like 24/7 access to the internet, and the input of people from sea to shining sea and beyond aren't helping.

The moments in time that you can recall exactly where you were when something happened, include the suicide of a friend or relative. Saying that it's a "selfish act" completely misses the point of the struggle. When you are in that state of mind, feelings other than stopping the turmoil happening inside of your heart are all that matter to the person struggling.

I know.

Following the birth of one of my children, I went through a time of postpartum depression. It escalated to the point that I was considering suicide. I told someone close to me. Who responded at the time with a "you're crazy" look and did and said nothing more about it.

Mental health at the time resulted in being locked up and drugged and I didn't want that. I had a baby to take care of. At the same time, I knew I was in trouble. Counseling and talking to someone was also frowned on and you were made to feel somehow "less than" if you sought help. So I did what moms just did and gritted my teeth until finally it felt like the sun came up again. It was months of this.

Now, it's become much more acceptable to reach out for help. Admitting that you need some help doesn't result in a side eye from a healthcare worker like it did some 30 years ago.

As I sat in the meeting, the discussion turned to finding help for someone struggling. The answer was that most of us have no idea whatsoever about where we can find help. There are helpers out there in the community. We know that they are there. The problem is that most people when faced with finding help for themselves or their loved one have no idea where to turn.

The restrictions on some were evident. Some professionals only work with adults, some work with children.

That's what the new organization hopes to assist with. Finding local resources and having that help easy to find in either an emergency or available to educate yourself on what's out there for yourself or a loved one.

I rarely talk about the struggles that my dad faced. He was an over-the-road truck driver for decades. As a result, he survived on very little sleep and when he did get to sleep it was spasmodic. There was no set bedtime. This contributes to problems later in life. And for him it did.

He got to the place where he simply could not sleep, so he walked the streets for hours, coming home in the morning so that he wouldn't wake my mom. After a few days he would collapse and then sleep. Only to recharge for the next few days of staying awake.

We didn't have a clue where to go for help. The doctors would tell us, "you can't force an adult to get help." So we were stuck in a situation that we knew was bad. However, there was nothing out there telling us what to do. Where to go. What to say. Where to turn. We were stuck with my dad in this endless cycle, until one day he finally lost consciousness.

The ambulance came, scooped him up and we went to the ER where the same doctor yelled at us for not getting him some help. So as a family, we were in a Catch-22.

Fortunately, for us, he was then treated. But this was after years of trying to find mental help for him. It was actually a relief to have the medical field agree that something was wrong. As a result, he received the help he needed. Even that was after a few missteps in finding the right people to help.

Mental help should never be treated as anything less than taking care of your eyes, your teeth, your heart, your diabetes or your broken leg. When something is wrong, the only indication sometimes is the thoughts that you have and that you may or may not share. For your family, they might note a change in behaviors.

But when you note that there is a change either in your own thoughts or the thoughts or actions of others, be kind to yourself or to the ones you see struggling. Sometimes a simple hug is all that's needed. A listening ear sometimes does the trick. But sometimes we need the help of a medical professional. It's okay to say that and to find that help. Start with your family doctor if you need to.

The idea of this new organization is to hopefully put some information at your fingertips. Ultimately suicide is not a solution. We all know that. But we know that in the light of day, when we aren't struggling. The goal of this group is to steer folks away from that very thought and find the right kind of help for the person suffering.

For the most part, this group is formed to simply find answers. Answers we all have. What do we do? Where can we turn for help?

Every person who has been fortunate enough to have been given life deserves to be supported. The desire of this new group is to help those who might be struggling, find resources and to be able to direct others to the assistance that is needed in our community.

We all know that sometimes life isn't always a fun journey. We know that sometimes things cross our path that just suck. But also know this. It doesn't matter where you are, we all want to see you here again tomorrow.

As family and friends, we want to know how we can help you.

If you have expertise in mental health and would like to reach out to offer your help, guidance and direction to the group, reach out to Braxton Morrison at braxton.morrison91@gmail.com. He can get you plugged in.

If you are currently struggling and need someone to talk immediately, call 988.