Opinion : Really, You Life Won't Flash Before Your Eyes...

I need a "mental floss" break, where I can ramble on about anything...

Today I pondered how your mind works so fast when you are airborne.

Which by my calculation was probably about 1 second since I'm not very aerodynamically designed.

I decided it would be a good day to get a couple of things out of the basement and get rid of them. Locking the front door (and checking for the key to the front door) I decided to haul my equipment down the steps to the basement and exit through that door since I had made an appointment for later in the day, and it would require the said equipment.

As I juggled the two bags, keys and phone and went downstairs while gripping the handrail because I'm paranoid about falling, I arrived in the basement to locate what I was looking for. I take stock of the available hands which still came to two, and the two bags I was already carrying and surmised that the two other things, which I could have carried, at least I still think like that, but in reality, it would be dumb to try. So I decided, I'll take my equipment out to the car and come back.

Opening the basement door, and locking the knob behind me, and again making sure I had the keys, I walked out. Well, I'm not sure if 2 steps should be considered "walking" but that's all the further I got before the I realized that gravity had suspended itself for all of 1 second and I was looking at the sky while that is registering the second thought right on its heels was, "Oh crap! Nothing is touching..." Wham! "...the ground!"

Trust me, life isn't flashing before your eyes. What's flashing is warning lights that this is gonna hurt!

After landing I located my phone wondering if in the next 5 seconds I was going to need to phone a friend.

I got up rather quickly, another story, and checked my back and neck, since fortunately I think, I landed squarely on that and my coccyx. All were hurting immediately, but not in the excruciating way of broken bones. Now that I say that, I realize I've never had one so how would I know that??

The slimy substance on the wooden floor in front of my basement door got me. In my haste, and I divert back to the rhyme for the letter "H" in my Kindergarten curriculum, "Haste makes waste" I wasn't paying attention. I had to grin as I saw two skid marks where my shoes had attempted a take-off maneuver and hobbled out to the car. Pondering if I should go in and lay down or keep going knowing if I stop, this is really going to hurt.

Depositing my hopefully undamaged equipment in the car, I approached the door again. I assessed the walkway and decided now that I was paying attention, I could make it.

I did.

I retrieved my other two things from the basement, locking the door because I had just checked to make sure that the keys had made the trip, I lugged the two heavy things to the car and proceeded to run my errands.

As I drove I pondered the whole "life flashing before your eyes" as your dying and thinking, "really, that never happens and I've been there twice, nor does it happen when you are looking straight ahead at the sky."

Worrying about my kids, that happens.

And quite frankly what it looks like when you're dying and all you can see are serious faces of doctors and nurses and flying wrappers off of sterile equipment, and eyes above masks and no one is talking, well I do what I would do if I were upright, I laughed.

Apparently, that is not appropriate when your life is supposed to be flashing before your eyes. I was rebuked with a stern, "What's so funny????!!!" I said, "It just looks funny from here!" I was informed that it was NOT FUNNY!

Then the lights went out.

So trust me, if you're waiting for your final moment to make things right with someone, it won't happen that way.

If you're thinking that you can reassess your choices while your life flashes before your eyes, I'd guess you'll either be laughing or crying.

Either way, it's probably going to end something like this.

Wham!

Lights out.