Opinion : The impact of the first Chiropractic Church

This sign seems to be offering direction to a new kind of religious/medical facility.

“Ain’t that something,” said Buford, my body guard. “The area medical community and religious community are celebrating the first formal joint church/medical practice venture.”

I asked him to explain. He did – but I have to warn you, he is a bit long-winded.

This is what he told me:

“The Chiropractic Church,” according to signs on Highway 218, is now open.

This new organization will help keep believers healthy in body and soul, and is the implementation of several verses in Holy Scripture.

For example, the Book of Genesis tells us that Jacob, the grandson of Abraham and the eventual father of the 12 tribes of Israel, encountered an angel in a dream.

Afterwards, according to Genesis 32:25, the hallow of Jacob’s thigh was “out of joint.”

Solomon, the son of King David and the writer of the Book of Proverbs, also noticed the connection between spiritual and physical health:

Pr 25:19 "Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint".

David, himself, suffered from a variety of problems that would call for the attention of a chiropractor:

“I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint…” he wrote in Psalm 22:14.

This connection also mattered to New Testament Christians.

The Apostle Paul wrote, in the Epistle to the Ephesians (4:16) “From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.”

In other words, the body and soul both need to be well-aligned for a person to feel complete and happy.

The Bible, believe it or not, also frequently mentions a common ailment: A stiff neck.

Moses rebuked the Israelites in the book of Deuteronomy (31:27) with these words: “For I know thy rebellion, and thy stiff neck.”

In Psalm 75, David told us to “speak not with a stiff neck.”

The prophet Jeremiah, in his Chapter 17, verse 23, also understood that a stiff neck and religious troubles go hand-in-hand. “But they obeyed not, neither inclined their ear, but made their neck stiff, that they might not hear, nor receive instruction.”

So, continued Buford, it’s obvious that a Chiropractic Church is long overdue.

Also, he made some arguments from church history.

According to the History Bluff Web site, chiropractic care was an indirect result of the torture devices used during the Inquisition:

It turns out that Christians, after being stretched out on the rack, would return to the assembly of believers reporting that the lower back pain that they had experienced before their encounter with religious persecution was totally gone.

History Bluff tells us more:

Juan de Avilla’s chiropractor helped him avoid major back surgery, but Juan still needed weekly adjustments on the rack at the chiropractor’s office.

Our team confirms the existence of torture in Europeduring the Dark Ages, but they have discovered that the devices we associate with torture today were actually used by the first chiropractors in history. Chiropractors were in high demand during the time because of the hard, back-breaking work required of peasants in the fields. Chiropractors made practical use of a tool that greatly resemble a spiked mace. When a patient complained of muscle tightness, the chiropractor would use the patented Hugger Mugger Spiked Back Massage Roller to loosen up the patient. Spanish chiropractors used a primitive form of today’s massage chairs after patients were done with their primary treatments.

Although The Dark Ages are often regarded as a violent period of time for the world, we all know now that it was a time of medical advancement that should be celebrated.

“See?” said Buford.

I was impressed.

“That’s amazing!” I told him.

All along, I thought the sign was just telling us to use the same detour for both the church and the chiropractic office on the other side of the road project.