Entertainment : From the Front Row of the Balcony: 'Fast Five' more fun to see than hear

Remember the silent movies? Charlie Chaplin? Buster Keaton in "The General" or "Our Hospitality?"

The technology of their time made it necessary for movie producers of a century ago to occasionally tell us what the characters wanted to say, or to explain a scene. Otherwise, the actors could simply tell us their story by acting. They did not need to talk.

"Fast Five," the latest in the 10-year-old "Fast and Furious" series, should have been a silent movie.

"Fast Five" is hard on the ears. The dialogue consists only of lame clichés from other movies. Even the plot is stolen from Ocean's 11.

Even the people who like the movie use words like "dumb," "absurd," "frustratingly protracted," "ridiculous," and my favorite quote: The film's plot rarely makes sense and the script is lackluster, but who cares?"

I had not seen any of the first four "Fast/Furious" films. I find such action movies to be dreadfully boring, mindlessly predictable and full of dull dialogue.

Turns out, however, that millions of people like that kind of movie.

I liked "Fast Five" more than I thought I would, as I sat in the back row of the Palace Monday afternoon with Mrs. C. But as I watched it, I imagined how much better the movie would have been if director Justin Lin just let Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson act instead of making them try to say not-so-clever lines while stealing cars and running from U.S. agents and South American militias. Sometimes words just get in the way.

The Story

"Fast Five" begins where No. 4 left off, with Dom on the bus, headed for federal prison, and his crew planning to free him by causing an accident. Dom's sister, Mia (Jordana Brewster) and her man, former federal agent Brian O'Conner (Paul Walker), head to South America, where one last big heist will give them the money they need to retire.

But while robbing a train as it speeds across the Brazilian desert, the crew encounters not only armed U.S. marshals, but an even heavier-armed group of militia working for the de facto "boss" of Rio de janiero. Our heroes, the not-so-bad bad guys, get caught in a three-way war with Reyes' thugs and the U.S. authorities, led by agent Hobbs (Johnson).

Dom and his crew must figure out why Reyes' men wanted the car so badly, and wind up in a life-or-death struggle that determines their future, as well as that of the people oppressed by Reyes. Hobbs becomes partners with Elena Neves, a Brazilian cop whose cop husband was recently killed. Along the way, it becomes apparent that the U.S. cobs and robbers are going to have to become at least temporary partners if they are going to defeat the Reyes mob.

Another factor: Mia is pregnant; the new baby inspires Mia and Brian to look for a way out of the car-stealing business and find quiet place to retire.

Why you should go

If you never (like me) have seen a "Fast/Furious" film, you are missing lots of beautiful cinematography (yes, I spelled that word correctly on my first try). Rio is beautiful, and the movie gives you a chance to see much of it. Sure, the chase scenes are long and ridiculous, but millions of men (and Mrs. C) seem to appreciate them.

What you should know before you go

"Fast Five" is rated PG-13 for violence, language (including a few F-bombs), and sexual content.

And for all of the media hype about Hollywood being "liberal," there are almost as many references to God and guns in "Fast Five" as you would hear at a Sarah Palin rally. (Dom comes from a deeply religious Catholic family that goes to church each week and prays before every meal, and he even makes a special trip across town to retrieve his lost cross necklace. And despite his willingness to blow away just about anyone, he does stick up for the good guys when he must.)

My favorite part

"When are you gonna give Martin Luther King his car back?"